Now that it is officially December

[rum_runner69]

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the home, not a stiff was stirring, not even a
moan.

The body bags were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that the mortician soon would be
there.

The corpses were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of --well, nothing!-- danced in their
heads.

And ma in her kerchief and I in my cap had just settled down for a long winter's nap. When out
on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my casket to see what was the matter.

Away to the window, I flew like a flash; tore open the swags and threw up the sash. The moon on
the breast of new-fallen snow gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature hearse and eight tiny reindeer!
With a little old driver so wrinkled and gray, I knew in a moment this was a kick-ass sleigh!

More rapid than Criterions his coursers they came, and he honked and blew his sirens and called
them by name: "Now Miller, now Meteor, now Eureka and S&S, on Cotner, on Bevington, on
Superior and Hess, to the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away!
Dash away all!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the
sky. So up to the house top the coursers they flew, with a hearse full of bodies and a casket or
two.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof the screeching of "rough riding, poor handling, but
PCS correct belted tires."

As I drew in my hand and was turning around, down the chimney it came with a bound. It was all
dressed from bumper to grill . . . a '59 Crown Royale, my heart stood still!

I rushed around the side and flung open the back. My eyes couldn't believe this big, black
Cadillac!

Her chrome, how it twinkled, her interior how merry. With nine coats of wax, this coach was
cherry!

Its hood was garnished with a big red bow. The gift of a lifetime, how could this be so? A car a
mile long and a grill full of teeth, and smoke from the tailpipe encircled like a wreath.

The little old man all decked in black, tossed me the keys and turned his back. A wink of his eye
and a twist of his head, let me know I wasn't dreaming and surely not dead!

And laying his finger aside of his nose, he gave me a nod, and up the chimney he rose. He sprang
to his hearse and to his fleet gave a wave; and away they all flew like a Lifeliner ablaze.

But I heard his exclaim as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all! And to all, a good night!"

[rum_runner69]

T'was the night before Christmas & out on the ranch

The pond was froze over & so was the branch.

The snow was piled up belly-deep to a mule.

The kids were all home on vacation from school,

And happier young folks you never did see-

Just all sprawled around a-watchin' TV.

Then suddenly, some time around 8 o'clock,

There came a surprise that gave them a shock!

The power went off, the TV went dead!

When Grandpa came in from out in the shed

With an armload of wood, the house was all dark.

"Just what I expected," they heard him remark.

"Them power line wires must be down from the snow.

Seems sorter like times on the ranch long ago."

"I'll hunt up some candles," said Mom. "With their light,

And the fireplace, I reckon we'll make out all right."

The teen-agers all seemed enveloped in gloom.

Then Grandpa came back from a trip to his room,

Uncased his old fiddle & started to play

That old Christmas song about bells on a sleigh.

Mom started to sing, & 1st thing they knew

Both Pop & the kids were all singing it, too.

They sang Christmas carols, they sang "Holy Night,"

Their eyes all a-shine in the ruddy firelight.

They played some charades Mom recalled from her youth,

And Pop read a passage from God's Book of Truth.

They stayed up till midnight-and, would you believe,

The youngsters agreed 'twas a fine Christmas Eve.

Grandpa rose early, some time before dawn;

And when the kids wakened, the power was on..

"The power company sure got the line repaired quick,"
Said Grandpa - & no one suspected his trick.

Last night, for the sake of some old-fashioned fun,
He had pulled the main switch - the old Son-of-a-Gun

2. and more important

Xmas time commandments

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin or Pecan. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner

[rum_runner69]