How do you make them want it?

[Morella]

Anybody want to play Ann Landers?

Usually, women in their 40's are looking for ways to get their men to notice them sexually. What I want is a little domination, a little guidance, a few spankings. I want to be owned and told what to do. Unfortunately, he's not the slightest bit violent or controlling.

Any suggestions on how to bring these qualities out of someone?

-denise

[Flymanj3]

Usually, marriage works

[dieseldiva]

Usually, marrage works

Yeah but don't u know there's a food that's proven to make women stop wanting to have sex....It's called wedding cake!!!

[Flymanj3]

Yeah but don't u know there's a food that's proven to make women stop wanting to have sex....It's called wedding cake!!!

......which in turn brings out the qualities in a man she's looking for.

[dieseldiva]

LOL! That'd do it!

[Morella]

I tried marriage, but maybe it was too long ago.

[BIGEVIL]

Men do not take hints. Even if the hint is obvious. You have to tell a man exactly what you want. Whether it is a "little spanking" or a birthday gift idea SPELL IT OUT!
And as a man, I wish all women would say what they mean, and mean what they say. My crystal ball broke years ago.

[nmacarthur]

Yea, the direct approach would work. You can also follow it up with going to a fetish club.

[Morella]

I don't think it's going to happen. Last night, Tony and I were watching the latest BSG from Friday, where beautiful Cylon Tricia Helfer was beating the hell out of Saul, and after his face was a bloody mess, held it in her hands passionately. I asked Tony how much he would pay to have her do that to him, and he said, "Nothing, I'm not into that crap."

I told him that I would lay down a thousand dollars for it, and I think I pissed him off even more, not because I wanted it from someone else, but because I was into that.

With all of the stressful shit that I'm going through, if he's not even willing to control me, he's not going to be any help in protecting me against the people who are destroying my life. I need a man who will stand up and say, "You don't fuck with my wife", but he wouldn't do so much as make a phone call to defend me. To tell you the truth right now, I'd rather be married to a man who would beat the shit out of somebody for looking at me the wrong way. A man is supposed to make a woman feel safe, but to do that, he needs to be the strong one at home. I'm not talking about battering a woman, but a little crossover might work for me. That's just my opinion. That's just me, though.

Jeez, I can imagine why the divorce rate is so high. Most people fuck it up getting married young, before they know what they want. I waited until I was in my 30's and still fucked it up.

-denise

[BIGEVIL]

I don't think it's going to happen. Last night, Tony and I were watching the latest BSG from Friday, where beautiful Cylon Tricia Helfer was beating the hell out of Saul, and after his face was a bloody mess, held it in her hands passionately. I asked Tony how much he would pay to have her do that to him, and he said, "Nothing, I'm not into that crap."

You asked the wrong question. It goes back to what I wrote earlier.
Try this. "Tony, I have always had a fantasy to role play a scene with you doing.............obviously it is just role playing and I don't want anyone to get hurt. It would mean a lot, will you do it for me?"

And to your other point. "Tony, I really NEED you to call these people and give them hell. Will you please do it for me today?"

[Morella]

Tony, I have always had a fantasy to role play a scene with you doing.............obviously it is just role playing and I don't want anyone to get hurt. It would mean a lot, will you do it for me?"

You're not getting it. I'm not saying it on the computer right now, not even in private, but I never said that I didn't want to get hurt. I have tried asking this way, though. He gets angry, tells me that he's not interested in that, and to shut up about it. As for calling people and giving them hell, he threatens to and says that he will, and then just complains and does nothing. He even went to court with me one time, over something that he stood there and witnessed, and he told the judge that he would just let me do the talking.

Well, what the fuck, he's paying the house payment and most of the bills, and if he can't give me anything else, I still have the option of throwing up my hands and giving up...and no, that doesn't fucking mean that I'm going to commit suicide. I'll just sit here, watch TV, and let my life rot away. That's what most people do anyway.

[BIGEVIL]

I never said that I didn't want to get hurt

Most people can't/won't mix violence with sex (myself included). I am sorry to hear about the insensitivity issue though. I really don't know what else to say. You are a great lady...hang in there.

[Morella]

Thanks, and for the suggestions. This has been a really fucked-up month, and I've been snapping at people a little. I just saw my doctor, and he said that all I can do is let the emotional wounds heal.

I'm not going to say that Tony is just there to pay the bills. I have feelings for him, and I enjoy his company. I just may have to face the reality that I can't have everything I want. Who knows? Maybe it would be sour grapes and I wouldn't like it anyway. Funny, when I go in for a doctor's office and she asks the standard question, "Are you in a relationship where you are being beaten, abused or controlled?" I always answer "no such luck", and she never skips a beat.

Being a chronic pain patient is something that is difficult to understand, even if you are one. Sometimes you have injuries that heal, and it's just a great feeling to know that something can, and to watch and feel it happen. I just feel that if the person who inflicted them wanted them to heal and had feelings for me, it would that much more special. Sometimes, whether you realize it or not, it goes back to your childhood, when you'd hurt yourself and Mom could make it better. Most love relationships go back to childhood in some way.

The chronic drug use that it takes to keep the pain under control fucks up your mind as well, which is really most of the reason that I can't work. The side-effects can be powerful sometimes, although nothing has ever fucked me up as much as that Cymbalta stuff that they forced me to take in the hospital, contradicted for at least two reasons that I saw at first glance, and gave me the first migraine that I've had in ten years, and the worst ever. I was up most of the night sleepwalking, and the next day, I still didn't realize that not all of the stuff that I saw really happened. Tony was the first one to figure it out.

I probably won't seek her out, but it is possible that I could someday find a friend who understands the things that I'm talking about and would do them for me (it's hard on your knuckles too).

-denise