Tweet
Even his parrot's advice is insightful.
If there were an interesting gland, his would be larger than most men's entire lower intestines.
His shirts never wrinkle.
Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there.
He once knew a call was a wrong number, even though the person on the other end wouldn't admit it.
It is said the sun comes up later on the 6th of May, in case his Cinco parties run long.
The Mayans prophecized his birth.
Even lucha libres remove their masks in his presence.
He once taught a German Shepard to bark in Spanish.
He serves sizzling fajita platters barehanded.
Bulls flat-out refuse to fight him.
He once buried a time capsule full of things that haven't happened yet.
He has been pronounced dead 7 times...make that 8.
His bear hugs are actually hugs he gives to bears.
He can't be bought, but his beard clippings have been know to show up on auction.
He has never lost a sock.
If he disagrees with you, it is because you are wrong.
His organ donation card, also lists his beard.
He’s a lover, not a fighter, but he’s also a fighter, so don’t get any ideas.
When it is raining, it is because he is sad.
He is left-handed. And right-handed.
Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there.
You can see his charisma from space.
The police often question him, just because they find him interesting.
He once punched a magician. That’s right. You heard me.
When he orders a salad, he gets the dressing right there on top of the salad, where it belongs…where there is no turning back.
If a monument was built in his honor, Mt. Rushmore would close, due to poor attendance.
His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body.
His blood smells like cologne.
On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him.
He doesn’t believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders.
His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him.
His pillow talk is years ahead of it’s time.
Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores.
He says nothing tastes like chicken…not even chicken
He voted for Obama", just once to see the chaos.
When he wakes up the roses smell him.
Was once found Guilty, of being Innocent.
If he disagrees with you, it is because you are wrong.
He sleeps with a night light, not because he’s afraid of the dark but the dark is afraid of him.
He holds a doctorate in originality in which he teaches at Harvard where no one ever passes.
When he goes skydiving Peregrine Falcons always trail behind him.
When he looks in the mirror there's never a reflection because he is only 1 of a kind.
He can defeat anyone in a game of chess without making any moves.
The President of a country once took a bullet for him on a failed attempt.
If there were an interesting gland, his would be larger than most men's entire lower intestines.
His shirts never wrinkle.
Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there.
He once knew a call was a wrong number, even though the person on the other end wouldn't admit it.
It is said the sun comes up later on the 6th of May, in case his Cinco parties run long.
The Mayans prophecized his birth.
Even lucha libres remove their masks in his presence.
He once taught a German Shepard to bark in Spanish.
He serves sizzling fajita platters barehanded.
Bulls flat-out refuse to fight him.
He once buried a time capsule full of things that haven't happened yet.
He has been pronounced dead 7 times...make that 8.
His bear hugs are actually hugs he gives to bears.
He can't be bought, but his beard clippings have been know to show up on auction.
He has never lost a sock.
If he disagrees with you, it is because you are wrong.
His organ donation card, also lists his beard.
He’s a lover, not a fighter, but he’s also a fighter, so don’t get any ideas.
When it is raining, it is because he is sad.
He is left-handed. And right-handed.
Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there.
You can see his charisma from space.
The police often question him, just because they find him interesting.
He once punched a magician. That’s right. You heard me.
When he orders a salad, he gets the dressing right there on top of the salad, where it belongs…where there is no turning back.
If a monument was built in his honor, Mt. Rushmore would close, due to poor attendance.
His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body.
His blood smells like cologne.
On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him.
He doesn’t believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders.
His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him.
His pillow talk is years ahead of it’s time.
Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores.
He says nothing tastes like chicken…not even chicken
He voted for Obama", just once to see the chaos.
When he wakes up the roses smell him.
Was once found Guilty, of being Innocent.
If he disagrees with you, it is because you are wrong.
He sleeps with a night light, not because he’s afraid of the dark but the dark is afraid of him.
He holds a doctorate in originality in which he teaches at Harvard where no one ever passes.
When he goes skydiving Peregrine Falcons always trail behind him.
When he looks in the mirror there's never a reflection because he is only 1 of a kind.
He can defeat anyone in a game of chess without making any moves.
The President of a country once took a bullet for him on a failed attempt.
Comment