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Shooting yourself in the ass
Actually, this is just more of my "subgenious insanity", as it was so eloquently put, designed to provoke a conversation, a laugh, humorous rejoinder, insult, flame war, or whatever comes of it. Anything but blank space. I hate blank space.
The reason that I chose this title is because I know who orchestrated the "shooting me in the ass" incident. Unfortunately, news of it was leaked to a social worker, and, unfortunately, she sent Tucson's Finest to my house. I do not like social workers or cops, especially male cops, because I can't stand people who are not able to "connect the dots" and think logically. All social workers are women, fags, or Chicks with Dicks™. I did not want to deal with them, so I told them that I had no idea who attacked me, and they accused me of shooting myself in the ass. No, I'm not kidding. I have to wonder...are they right-brained, or left-brained? Did they think, literally, of the idea of me shooting myself in the ass, or did they actually picture an image of me pumping up a pellet rifle, holding it out behind me at arms' length, and pulling the trigger?
Oh, what else...anybody heard of "Captain Chris" and his self-defense method? There is a lot of controversy about this mec. I'm not trying to sell him. He isn't my brother-in-law, and he is definitely out to get your money. His video is poorly produced, and, for someone who is supposed to have teaching experience, his grammar just basically sucks shit.
However, I found a link to his very tacky website in, of all places, Pravda, and I bought his intro course out of curiousity. I like his style...you learn a few basic gorilla moves that you can do without thinking about them, practice them over and over again, and when someone actually attacks you, you just keep beating the shit out of them until they stop.
It worked for me when I was attacked while sleeping, when I wouldn't have had time to even think about grabbing a weapon and using it, and none of the Kung Fu stuff that I do for fun would have been useful. I'll save you the cost of the video, though. If you want an effective self-defense method, just spend every day thinking about the people who have pissed you off, beaten you up, raped you, shot you in the ass, borrowed your car and brought it back with no gas in it, borrowed your tools and never brought them back, screwed your wife/husband/life partner, put a hit of acid in your beer, got a vasectomy and didn't tell you until you were already pregnant, played the accordion within 50 miles of you, forced you to listen to barber shop music, or, worse, borrowed your chainsaw, practice keeping your balance while smashing them with your elbows, feet, and the edges of your hand, and if you are actually attacked, you will release hell.
There are several problems with this method, but there are always problems when you are attacked. Try not to scare anybody. Pissing them off is fine...just don't scare them. That's my raison d'être. I live from day to day, doing my best not to scare anybody. Most people can't deal with fear. They try to put the things that they are afraid of in cages. They flock to watch violence in movies, but if you threaten their safe little houses of cards, they will do their best to lock you away somewhere so that you can't blow them down. Try not to scare anybody...that's how you shoot yourself in the ass.
And yes, I really do read Pravda, Le Monde, and some of the newspapers that are not translated into English...because it's the only way to find out what's going on in the US. For instance, Jesse Jackson says that President Hussein-Obama, or whatever the fuck his name is, is not "black enough". The rest of the world, based on quotes like this one, does not believe that he is the president. Actually, I made one of these up. You guess which one. Or maybe they're all real. Or maybe I made them all up.
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America, asa cum o stiam si noi, nu exista.
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لم يعد هناك اميركا.
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Ailleurs, le spectre de la Grande Dépression s'est éloigné, mais une crise peut en cacher une autre. La grande secousse financière mondiale, en affaiblissant la légitimité et l'autorité du pays dont elle est partie, les Etats-Unis, a entraîné une crise de la gouvernance mondiale. Qui gouvernera le monde en 2010 ?
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It probably won't be me, because I'm definitely not "black enough", nor do I give a shit about the president's ethnicity. I would be happy to see Walter Williams or Cigar Dave in the office. What I have a problem with is Socialism, mediocrity, pandering, and stupidity in positions of authority. If I were a young person with a future in mind, THIS shit would scare me, but, as it is, my only goal is to buy some land and phart around on it until I'm thrown from a horse, forget to mow the runway and smash my plane into a tree, shoot it out with the sheriff...anything but a nursing home. A nursing home is what the Obamademagoguery wants to turn the entire US into, and there aren't any social security checks left to pay the bills.
Obamademagoguery
Obamademagoguery
Obamademagoguery
Can you do it?
OK, that should piss someone off. I'm going to go practice looking sweet and innocent for a while, maybe have a beer or two.
-denise
The reason that I chose this title is because I know who orchestrated the "shooting me in the ass" incident. Unfortunately, news of it was leaked to a social worker, and, unfortunately, she sent Tucson's Finest to my house. I do not like social workers or cops, especially male cops, because I can't stand people who are not able to "connect the dots" and think logically. All social workers are women, fags, or Chicks with Dicks™. I did not want to deal with them, so I told them that I had no idea who attacked me, and they accused me of shooting myself in the ass. No, I'm not kidding. I have to wonder...are they right-brained, or left-brained? Did they think, literally, of the idea of me shooting myself in the ass, or did they actually picture an image of me pumping up a pellet rifle, holding it out behind me at arms' length, and pulling the trigger?
Oh, what else...anybody heard of "Captain Chris" and his self-defense method? There is a lot of controversy about this mec. I'm not trying to sell him. He isn't my brother-in-law, and he is definitely out to get your money. His video is poorly produced, and, for someone who is supposed to have teaching experience, his grammar just basically sucks shit.
However, I found a link to his very tacky website in, of all places, Pravda, and I bought his intro course out of curiousity. I like his style...you learn a few basic gorilla moves that you can do without thinking about them, practice them over and over again, and when someone actually attacks you, you just keep beating the shit out of them until they stop.
It worked for me when I was attacked while sleeping, when I wouldn't have had time to even think about grabbing a weapon and using it, and none of the Kung Fu stuff that I do for fun would have been useful. I'll save you the cost of the video, though. If you want an effective self-defense method, just spend every day thinking about the people who have pissed you off, beaten you up, raped you, shot you in the ass, borrowed your car and brought it back with no gas in it, borrowed your tools and never brought them back, screwed your wife/husband/life partner, put a hit of acid in your beer, got a vasectomy and didn't tell you until you were already pregnant, played the accordion within 50 miles of you, forced you to listen to barber shop music, or, worse, borrowed your chainsaw, practice keeping your balance while smashing them with your elbows, feet, and the edges of your hand, and if you are actually attacked, you will release hell.
There are several problems with this method, but there are always problems when you are attacked. Try not to scare anybody. Pissing them off is fine...just don't scare them. That's my raison d'être. I live from day to day, doing my best not to scare anybody. Most people can't deal with fear. They try to put the things that they are afraid of in cages. They flock to watch violence in movies, but if you threaten their safe little houses of cards, they will do their best to lock you away somewhere so that you can't blow them down. Try not to scare anybody...that's how you shoot yourself in the ass.
And yes, I really do read Pravda, Le Monde, and some of the newspapers that are not translated into English...because it's the only way to find out what's going on in the US. For instance, Jesse Jackson says that President Hussein-Obama, or whatever the fuck his name is, is not "black enough". The rest of the world, based on quotes like this one, does not believe that he is the president. Actually, I made one of these up. You guess which one. Or maybe they're all real. Or maybe I made them all up.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
America, asa cum o stiam si noi, nu exista.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
لم يعد هناك اميركا.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ailleurs, le spectre de la Grande Dépression s'est éloigné, mais une crise peut en cacher une autre. La grande secousse financière mondiale, en affaiblissant la légitimité et l'autorité du pays dont elle est partie, les Etats-Unis, a entraîné une crise de la gouvernance mondiale. Qui gouvernera le monde en 2010 ?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
It probably won't be me, because I'm definitely not "black enough", nor do I give a shit about the president's ethnicity. I would be happy to see Walter Williams or Cigar Dave in the office. What I have a problem with is Socialism, mediocrity, pandering, and stupidity in positions of authority. If I were a young person with a future in mind, THIS shit would scare me, but, as it is, my only goal is to buy some land and phart around on it until I'm thrown from a horse, forget to mow the runway and smash my plane into a tree, shoot it out with the sheriff...anything but a nursing home. A nursing home is what the Obamademagoguery wants to turn the entire US into, and there aren't any social security checks left to pay the bills.
Obamademagoguery
Obamademagoguery
Obamademagoguery
Can you do it?
OK, that should piss someone off. I'm going to go practice looking sweet and innocent for a while, maybe have a beer or two.
-denise
!
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