This should be an easy BDSM question

[Morella]

Don't want to attract attention by going to strange IPs, if I can help it, so maybe someone here knows.

I work in a business environment, and I need to convey subtly that I am interested in being a slave to a female mistress (or preferably more than one), not for S&M, just ownership. I thought about wearing a slave collar, but I'm not sure if that would mean that I already belonged to someone.

Anything really wild, just as an example, a spiked bracelet or collar, would not go over well here, but a soft velvet collar would be OK, I think. I dress in a black suit and wraparound black shades, and I'm tall, so most people aren't going to guess this one. I need to display a hint.

Any ideas?

thanks

-denise

[Morella]

BTW, if I could impose upon you not to mention this to Tony?

It's not like I want to cheat on him, but one does get lonely only seeing someone once every six weeks. It's not even something sexual that I'm looking for, more like a friendship, but most people don't understand the difference, when there is one.

-d

[Guest]

yeah if you wear a collar that signifies current ownership

try the hanky code

[Morella]

It looks like I need grey on the right side. I don't think that a hanky in the pocket would go over well as proper dress at work. Is there jewelry that would immediately stand out to someone who knew what it was? Maybe a bracelet, lapel pin, or something like that from a specialty shop? Now that I have a few more keywords, I'll surf some more. Thanks for this and any other ideas.

-denise

[Guest]

maybe if you got a nicely pressed and folded hanky

[Linnea]

There's a bdsm symbol. Its subtle, and if anyboy pink asks, you can tell them its a celtic triskelle. However, you do risk her not recognising it. I've got a crazy idea here - why don't you just strike up a conversation and see where it leads? I know that can be kind of hard for a sub to do, but it might be the most effective.

http://www.fiagos.dk/billeder/symbol_bdsm_plade_mat_100.jpg

[Morella]

Thanks, Linnea! I found a pendant and ring with that symbol on them, another ring that sorta gives a clue, and then when I went to the store to get a chain for the pendant, this wristwatch jumped out at me, with a wide, cloth grey band. Cheez, this thing is almost a hanky! I'll put out the bait and see if anyone bites. Thanks to you two, I already know considerably more than I did.

I definitely learned not to wear yellow, thankfully by reading about it.

I once met with a Tucson BDSM club a few times, and never did see anyone with a hanky, not that it wasn't pretty freaking obvious what we were there for already. The one thing I learned, though, was that people who are into this stuff come from everywhere! Finding someone at work in a large company wouldn't be impossible. Someone might even ask about the symbols and I might be able to very carefully get into a talk about it.

I nearly got fired for talking about this issue once before at work, years ago, and I did it in a very radical way because I was trying to get fired at the time, so I think that starting a conversation would probably get me a one-way ticket to the bread line.

I know that there are some bars in town, but I'd rather have something honest, even though I know how much it hurts when they take the collar off and kick you out of their lives, without a word of explanation why. God dammit, that hurts, but isn't it funny how they always do it? I had a "friend" in Phoenix who was already ticking off the days until she was going to do it, from the first day we got together. Shit, I was looking for light bondage and friendship, not that sort of sick sadism. She is one of the very few relationships I would rather not have had and lost.

-denise

[Guest]

i've been around a lot of BDSM functions and never really noticed anyone flying colors.

[Morella]

Yeah, I think that if you're already there, you might as well just find the person with the right shit in their gym bag and ask for what you want.

The group here was kind of small, so most people already knew.


-denise

[RevJack]

I followed the link above and wound up at some german site. So I thought I would post another link, just in case.

http://www.puretnt.com/



I agree that the jewelry might be a good start. People in the scene will recognize it for what it is.

RevJack

[Psychoholic]

I dunno Denise, maybe a pendant would work, but I think something more useful for the observant would be fun.

Like cut a ankle cuff so the chain will hang about a half inch below the pant leg when standing up straight, so those who are observant enough will see it and maybe ask (with the use of the right shoes you could intrigue the right minded people - but be careful, anything over a flat and you'll be over 7' tall).

[Morella]

Yeah, that pendant looks just like the one I ordered yesterday. It's supposed to be a little larger than a quarter, which should be just about right. Big enough to see up close, but not big enough to shout it out to the whole world.

I came up with an idea, and here is where someone who has experience with the scene could really help. I need to know much more about the collars. Would it be appropriate to wear a collar during the times when Hubby is in town, which is about three days every six weeks, to show that I'm unavailable, and take it off when he goes back out on the road? Or is a collar more of a sign of a long-term commitment? Or do you wear them just until you're done playing and then take them off? I would like to belong to someone on a long-term basis, but I'm not interested in breaking up my marriage.

Also noticed that these collars come in many different colors and materials. When this relationship is established, does the mistress attach her own particular style of collar to show who the slave belongs to, or is it just a matter of preference? Some of them are really tacky vinyl and plastic, and, yecch, who would want to wear that? I like the velvet and the lined ones.

Wish I could fish around for my own answers here, but somebody is bound to be taking a look at the dns logs every now and then. You guys are great, very helpful.

-d

[Guest]

much of that should be negotiated. there is usually lots of negotiation to make sure things are safe, sane, and consentual.

from what i know, collars are mostly a sign of a formal submissive/slave relationship. (that and 14 year old hot topic kids). They even have very formal collaring ceremonies in some case. many relationships opt for a less obvious accessory, such as a ring or ankle bracelet or whatever, so as not to upset the cow-irkers.

your marriage thing would definately be something you have to make known up front.

if you wear the collar while he's in town, he will probably start asking questions.

[Morella]

Chris, your idea sounds like a hoot, but I don't wear shoes inside the building, so I would be stepping on it. And since when was I THAT tall? I can see people around here thinking that, because so many of them are descendents of short people. I nearly collided with an old lady one day because her head, literally, came up to my belly button and I couldn't see her. She had to have been able to see me, but there are many people resembling her who seem to have a religious prohibition against getting out of a white person's way, even if you say "excuse me".

The shoes, most of mine are 2" of heel, which makes me taller than Tony. I would love to have some SAS loafers, which are flat. At the meeting about dressing up, though, I threatened to wear a PVC dress and 6" spike heels with swastikas on them, and I would have done it if the manager hadn't firmly said no. The funny thing was, he was the only one in the room who knew what a PVC dress was.

your marriage thing would definately be something you have to make known up front.

if you wear the collar while he's in town, he will probably start asking questions.

He wouldn't know that I wore it just when he was in town, unless Jenny told him, and I don't think that she really notices me. I'll just tell him that I've decided to start wearing jewelry, and I liked the collar. He won't know what it is, especially considering that I really didn't. He knows nothing about BDSM and won't even talk about it. I just bought the grey watch, had my ears repierced, and the rings will probably arrive before the next time he does. I'll tell him that since I can't build racers and stuff anymore, I might as well wear nice things.

-denise

[laidbackryder]

i wanna watch