A look at behind the scenes of my profession. After a friend on this board asked me where and what I was playing these days I was prompted to post my dj rules I think you might all enjoy whether your a club goer or not.
Behind the D.J booth/ things you just need to know.
Before you bug me read this.
1.If you have a request for anything you have heard on the RADIO/M.T.V in the past two weeks or so dont waste your breath, chances are you will hear it here tonight! SEXY is BACK, finally, were all CRAZY and I know your BOSSY now stop requesting it.
2.If you have any other request your chances of it getting played are greater if you are polite and a tip accompanies it (bartenders get tipped to make you drinks, why cant D.Js get tipped to make you dance?) Dont be a cheap ass. And its a request doesnt mean it will happen. But 9 times out of ten a tip does. I tell ya. its over quoted but true, money talks bullshit walks.
3."Will you play it next?" IF I agree to play your request, no, I wont play your request NEXT! (Im embarrassed for you when you ask this) Well not often, unless by chance it will happen to fit in the set or time Im at in that moment or. green backs higher than a Lincoln, the owner asks, or a hummer (if you're a girl) quickly follow the request.
Why NEXT? Are you that impatient? This request after your request is worse than the request itself. Its actually kinda rude. Its like asking a friend to borrow ten bucks, they quickly comply then you say um can I go ahead and get twenty from you. Its just intrusive. Is the four songs I tell you that its going to take to get to it going to kill you or blow your chance of grinding your ass up on that tool with the sparkle muscle shirt with a hair style only he thinks is still in that thinks hes getting laid tonight. by you. The night a D.J puts together (a good D.J) with music selection is like elevating sex, everything in life has a rhythm to it. If I see hands in the air and people dancing their ass off and the sweat is pouring, (like sex) and Im at 125 BPMs (beats per minute) Im in rhythm with the crowd as they are me, (just like sex) Im doing my job. If you ask me to play Show Stopper which is at 72 BPMS not to mention a god awful song and If I do play it at that moment you so rudely demanded the crowd is going to turn, look at me and be like YOU MOTHER FUCKER I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GET OFF!. Just like your mate would as if you stopped fucking him/her right when they were at the exact 2 seconds before getting off (just like sex)
4."Ok you wont play it next, fine, so when will you play it?" Let me check my Mead day planner and see when I have that song scheduled to be played tonight. What Im trying to say is you just pushed my go into dont give a fuck about you button, your annoyance and over bearing intrusive ass just fucked yourself right out your request. I hate to play a programmed set I got to feel that shit, I play what the crowd is feeling cause Im feeling it too, we work together (just like sex). So if you happen to request something I was going to play anyway I cant tell you when Im going to play it. If Im feeling it will work and I happen to think of your request then Ill play it. Otherwise I just dont know when. Please dont ask that..ever.
5."When are you going to play something I can dance to?"(as I look at the floor and see everyone dancing) Every type of music has a beat which means it can be danced to, find the beat, follow it, move your body to it and with it. Kinda fun,(kinda like sex) its called dancing been around for YEARS!!! In Africa they do this shit all night long around camp fires waving spears in the air to the tunes of beats produced by drums made from tree trunks with zebra hide stretched over it bangin it like their first piece of ass with a stick made from a shin bone and stringed instruments that were stretched between tree roots. Given that little senerio..... Your telling me that in todays world of technology you visit clubs producing 5000 watts of sound with music perfectly synced in bars of rhythm with lights bouncing off every inch of the dance floor and you are having a hard time finding a beat..that you can dance to? You just dont want to dance and you got everything you asked daddy for growing up. Youre picky and hard to please. Go to the bar, pound your sex on the beaches till your eyes float, tip the bartender then you will be ready to dance to EVERYTHING!
Behind the D.J booth/ things you just need to know.
Before you bug me read this.
1.If you have a request for anything you have heard on the RADIO/M.T.V in the past two weeks or so dont waste your breath, chances are you will hear it here tonight! SEXY is BACK, finally, were all CRAZY and I know your BOSSY now stop requesting it.
2.If you have any other request your chances of it getting played are greater if you are polite and a tip accompanies it (bartenders get tipped to make you drinks, why cant D.Js get tipped to make you dance?) Dont be a cheap ass. And its a request doesnt mean it will happen. But 9 times out of ten a tip does. I tell ya. its over quoted but true, money talks bullshit walks.
3."Will you play it next?" IF I agree to play your request, no, I wont play your request NEXT! (Im embarrassed for you when you ask this) Well not often, unless by chance it will happen to fit in the set or time Im at in that moment or. green backs higher than a Lincoln, the owner asks, or a hummer (if you're a girl) quickly follow the request.
Why NEXT? Are you that impatient? This request after your request is worse than the request itself. Its actually kinda rude. Its like asking a friend to borrow ten bucks, they quickly comply then you say um can I go ahead and get twenty from you. Its just intrusive. Is the four songs I tell you that its going to take to get to it going to kill you or blow your chance of grinding your ass up on that tool with the sparkle muscle shirt with a hair style only he thinks is still in that thinks hes getting laid tonight. by you. The night a D.J puts together (a good D.J) with music selection is like elevating sex, everything in life has a rhythm to it. If I see hands in the air and people dancing their ass off and the sweat is pouring, (like sex) and Im at 125 BPMs (beats per minute) Im in rhythm with the crowd as they are me, (just like sex) Im doing my job. If you ask me to play Show Stopper which is at 72 BPMS not to mention a god awful song and If I do play it at that moment you so rudely demanded the crowd is going to turn, look at me and be like YOU MOTHER FUCKER I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GET OFF!. Just like your mate would as if you stopped fucking him/her right when they were at the exact 2 seconds before getting off (just like sex)
4."Ok you wont play it next, fine, so when will you play it?" Let me check my Mead day planner and see when I have that song scheduled to be played tonight. What Im trying to say is you just pushed my go into dont give a fuck about you button, your annoyance and over bearing intrusive ass just fucked yourself right out your request. I hate to play a programmed set I got to feel that shit, I play what the crowd is feeling cause Im feeling it too, we work together (just like sex). So if you happen to request something I was going to play anyway I cant tell you when Im going to play it. If Im feeling it will work and I happen to think of your request then Ill play it. Otherwise I just dont know when. Please dont ask that..ever.
5."When are you going to play something I can dance to?"(as I look at the floor and see everyone dancing) Every type of music has a beat which means it can be danced to, find the beat, follow it, move your body to it and with it. Kinda fun,(kinda like sex) its called dancing been around for YEARS!!! In Africa they do this shit all night long around camp fires waving spears in the air to the tunes of beats produced by drums made from tree trunks with zebra hide stretched over it bangin it like their first piece of ass with a stick made from a shin bone and stringed instruments that were stretched between tree roots. Given that little senerio..... Your telling me that in todays world of technology you visit clubs producing 5000 watts of sound with music perfectly synced in bars of rhythm with lights bouncing off every inch of the dance floor and you are having a hard time finding a beat..that you can dance to? You just dont want to dance and you got everything you asked daddy for growing up. Youre picky and hard to please. Go to the bar, pound your sex on the beaches till your eyes float, tip the bartender then you will be ready to dance to EVERYTHING!
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