Somebody just come and kidnap me, please!

[Morella]

Damn, whatever you do, if you're not going to take my word for it, try asking someone else who has kid(s), a cottage cheese ass and stretch marks whether or not it might possibly have been more fun to do ski trips, sex, white water rafting, sex, a new boat, sex, a blower popping out of the hood of your coach, sex, a pair of Harleys, sex, and a trip around the world. I never could have kids of my own, so I missed out on the fat ass and stretch marks (except the ones that I got from gaining and losing weight). My ovaries didn't work right or something, and they didn't start fixing things until I had health insurance. Maybe that's why I'm 18' tall. Geez, I'm just an open book, aren't I? Not a secret am I burdened to hold.

Anyway, if you think the 2am feedings are bad, wait until every scorned little boy in a young man's body wants to slash your tires and come after your daughter with a gun.

I like to think that I'm a reasonably good person, especially among human beings, but the only thing that is keeping me here right now is that I've got nowhere else to go, with my crippled ass. I had to learn about 25 or so misconceptions that Jenny (16)'s drug-dealing dropout boyfriend (18) had about me, one of which was that I was too stupid to tap the phone line, by tapping the phone line. When Jenny got home, we talked them all out, starting with the aforementioned. It's legal if you notify both parties and the phone company, and let them opt out...and if this motherfucker threatens to slash my tires again, I'm going to opt his happy dappy ass into jail for having sex with a minor. Jenny refused to believe that he was a drug dealer, so I dropped a few bucks into his hand, and in less than an hour, he was back with an ounce of pot. I wish I had called the cops and turned them both over, the weed and the boyfriend, but I ended up flushing it. I guess I'm too old to get high anymore, at least under these stressful conditions, and I didn't want the stuff around here where it could get me into trouble. As it is, Jenny spends all of her time over at the drug dealer's house, whose parents are always high, and she's probably going to ride to jail with the rest of them when the door gets kicked in.

I told her that I didn't want her around that guy, but she thinks that she loves him. Then I told her that the state requires me to be a parent, and if I can't do it, I either find her one, or the state does. That may help.

Unfortunately, her boyfriend is trying to turn our family against each other over the most common reason for a splitup...money, so I cancelled my trip to Dallas.

If I followed you home, would you keep me? What if I brought my coach?

(sigh)

-denise

[Boogeyman Con Carne]

I think a visit to the local constabulary would be in order. You don't have any rock-solid evidence, but you CAN make the authorities aware that the little bugger is threatning impending harm to your property as well as possibly knocking boots with a minor. I believe you can also request more frequent patrols in your neighborhood. If neither appeals, you can take the sneaky route and just call in an annonymous tip on his junk-dealing ass...

[missghoulina]

I'll take you in, Denise!

Coach, airplane, Volvo big-rig, and boyfriend, and all!



I agree with Boogeyman; my mom personally would have been out there with my dad's shotguns, and some quick witty comments about his cajones and what would happen if they got near me.

I know your daughter thinks she loves him, but she'll realize soon enough that she's worth more, and that he's going no where. In the meantime, protect yourself and your property, and her, and you'll all come out fine.

<3333

[Morella]

Thank you for the great advice, but this is Arizona. If I even unholster my sidearm, or take a shotgun or automatic rifle (not that I'm saying that I own these, or don't own them) into a defensive situation, unless the perp has already taken a firing solution, I am going to jail, even though I cannot save my or my daughter's life any other way. I practice side steps and speed draws every day, because I have no choice but to keep the front sight on target and kill him. That's why I do .357 magnum, 00 buck, and AK47, at least I would if I owned these weapons...or maybe I do. It is not even legal to detain him or make a citizen's arrest, even on my property.

There are other very painful family problems going on, and I'm about to break down like I did 15 years ago, a big one where the synapses stop firing. It is the most frightening thing in the world, not being able to think, much less talk, see, hear, etc. My vision cleared a little when I fell down, and I could think well enough to crawl to a phone, dial 911 and drop it. The police came and found someone I knew to stay with me. She took me to a psychologist, but when I got home, my anxiety level was so high that I spent the whole night walking around in circles until I could drive (yes, stupid) to a psychiatrist's office, and I spent months on valium, serzone, and zyprexa. It took about three years to recover more or less completely, although I kept going to work all of this time.

It just so happened that I saw my regular (meds) doctor this morning. I tried to keep a straight face, but he and his nurse both clocked me, and I told them the story. The doc said that as unfair as it was for Tony to leave in his truck and dump me with his kid, I was the parent, and had every right to tell her what to do. After a (very) brief call to Tony, I woke her up and told Tony to explain that I am the parental unit. We had had this conversation many times, but this time it was a little different. She is not to see the 18-year-old, not even to accidentally run into him at the mall. I am to know where she is at all times. She is to be home by 9pm, unless she obtains permission from me to stay out otherwise. If she breaks these rules, even once, my doctor says that the police take over from there. If she elopes with this asshole to a state where she's legal age, it's no longer our problem...not even if she comes back with the restraining order in one hand and four screaming babies in the other. She's already come back with the restraining order once.

We'll see how it goes. There may be some site-specific bans in her future, to deal with my restrictions that she likes to ignore...places that I told her to stay away from the last time we had a boyfriend problem...places where she knew she would find him, although she was instructed by both me and the police not to talk to or about him.

To sum it all up, I'm tired of it and I can't take it anymore. Because of some predictions, always bad things and always correct, that I've made, my Christian neighbor, actually a very friendly and sensitive person, thinks that I might be possessed by a demon (daemon?). Fuck, maybe he's right. I'm open-minded.

I have to try to get some sleep and lose this headache. Thanks for listening...for whatever reason, that seems to help. Feeling sorry for me is entirely optional.

-denise