Needed: Smart Ass Remarks

[bathory313]

Always ask the people who have already been through it, I always say.

I am wanting to prepare my bag of smart ass remarks for the inevitable dumb questions that will come up. Gems such as:

"Why would you want to drive that?"

"Are there any dead bodies in there?"

"Is it haunted?"

"You're a sick/twisted nazi bitch hippie."

"WTF is wrong with you?"

And on and on, ad nauseum.

What are some particularly juicy comebacks that you have?

[LMS]

"Why would you want to drive that?"

The judge is making me as part of my community service.
I only date dead people and want them to feel comfortable.
What!! this is a hearse? I thought it was a station wagon!!!!!!

"Are there any dead bodies in there?"

There is about to be......

"You're a sick/twisted nazi bitch hippie."

Why thank you.

WTF is wrong with you?"

Everything!!!! I am completely dysfunctional.

[Tulsa Guy]

I just tell 'em I run a private mortuary outta' my house.......

[bathory313]

LOL Love them, gentlemen.

[Creepy Cruiser]

My favorites are:

1) "Is it a real Hearse?"

My sponce: "well, it's not a Honda"

2) "How do you drive it that low?" (when the body of the car is actually sitting on the ground, lol)

My responce: "very very carefully" (you obviously can't drive it sitting on the ground, lol)

The thing that pisses me of more than anything else though, is when they keep calling it a "hurst". (THERE IS NO "T" IN HEARSE!)

[travlinman]

I usually tell Them that I took an internet embalming course and looking to start a new local business.

[Chace]

"Why would anyone want to drive a hearse?"

Well, let me ask you something, what' your favorite color?

"Blue"

Why would anyone ever like the color blue? Oh thaaats right, because different people like different things!

[EvilManor]

My favorite comment is, "With todays economy the way it is you wouldn't believe the market for used caskets....digging 'em up is the easy part....it's getting rid of most of the smell that's the hard part!"

Or I tell them "I got the mother in law special where they give you an old hearse, cheap casket and a shovel....guess I should quit goofing off and put her in the ground already."

[Abnorml]

Here is an old thread with some questions that have been asked. http://www.nationalhearse.net/forums...upid+questions
I made a notebook that I put out at car shows. I have a page that I have some of the most common stupid questions. Still get some questions, but not as many.

[Boogeyman Con Carne]

"Why would you want to drive a hearse?"
"Because a casket doesn't look out of place in it..."


"Ewwwwwww! That car has had dead bodies in it!"
"Had?" (best accompanied by furtive looks in and around the coach)


"Wouldn't you rather have an ambulance?"
"No, people DIE in ambulances..."


"Any dead bodies in the back?"
"I'm not sure..."


"Is it haunted?"
"It says it isn't..."


"Did you drive that here?"
"No, I flew behind it..."

[bathory313]

The thing that pisses me of more than anything else though, is when they keep calling it a "hurst". (THERE IS NO "T" IN HEARSE!)

You should make this your siggy......THERE IS NO "T" IN HEARSE!

[bathory313]

Boogeyman, I love each and every one of those.

Abnorml, thanks for the link!

[Abnorml]

This is my "stupid hearse question" page out if my notebook. I know there are some misspelling, but most people don't notice and I'm to lazy to fix them.

[Morella]

Smartass remarks? Not my forté, but I'll try.

"Why would you want to drive that?"

Why would you want to do your hair that way? And those clothes? And those shoes? Jesus fucking Christ.
I can't afford a Honda.
I'm a Mike church fan, and I'm trying to destroy the climate.
It belonged to an old lady who only rode to church in it on Sunday.

Are there any dead bodies in there?

Unfortunately, yes. I am carrying my grandmother's body. She had no life insurance, and my family asked me to take care of the funeral arrangements. I didn't particularly want to be the one to do it, but she's been dead for two years, and somebody has to. She was starting to stink up the house.

"You're a sick/twisted nazi bitch hippie."

And?

"WTF is wrong with you?"

I'm anemic, my feet hurt, and I have a boil on my ass that's getting infected. Here, let me show it to you...


-d

[HearseHaunter]

"Is it a real hearse?"
No, it's a yugo with a gland problem.
"Any dead bodies in there?"
Just my ex wife ( I had a tow truck driver almost wreck when I told him that going down the road. )
"Aren't you scared to drive that?"
Only when I get ready to put gas in her